Self Confidence

I have been thinking seriously about my weight and have been coming to terms with the fact that I really need to do something, now.

I’m comfortable in the fact that MrGuine is supportive of me and finds me attractive but I don’t want that to be my main focus. I know that relationships aren’t only about the physical side but I would like to feel attractive and sexy when we get close.

2015 phone update 083

I’ve been looking at the piles of coke cans, the take away boxes, the frozen meal cartons and chocolate wrappers in my fridge/pantry. I always tried to convince myself that I’m not a bad eater. I suppose in ways I’m not, I don’t do some of the things that seriously overweight people do but then again, they didn’t always eat like that either did they?

My problem is having the will power to do that. Its mainly when I feel bored, tired or sad. I use and abuse food and it’s not doing anything for me, I know for a fact that eating good, whole, non/minimal processed foods and light exercise will make me feel less tired and sad. Its just working out the motivation to do that.

05.2015 090
Friction burns along my thighs

At the moment I’m seeing food as a reward/comfort while I can feel my body saying no, we don’t need that and getting the result twenty minutes later with a bad tummy and a trip to the rest room.

I don’t wish to be ‘slim’, I’ve been there before and I don’t think it suits me. But I am short, about 5’1 and I think that if I got down to a more comfortable 10-12 size then it would be a lot easier on my health, heart, digestive system and physical ability. I’m not souly doing this for vanity reasons, I’m doing it so that I’m not out of breath walking up the stairs.

I’m currently a UK size 16. I’m all for body acceptance if its not an excuse to eat crap, become overweight, put your heart/health in danger and promote unhealthy diets. I drink a lot of caffeine, in the form of coke, red bull, iced lattes and tea’s loaded with sugar and I want to use body acceptance as a reason to feel better about how badly I eat.

Personally I feel that I’d like to at least get down to a size 10, which I haven’t been since upper school, I feel a bit ridiculous to think this at 26 but I have school friends who’s weight has not rocketed. I feel this would have a huge impact on my health and the benefits would probably be massive.

I’m going to stop my ramblings here for the moment as I think this is becoming a long post. I will touch base on this again in a few months to see how I’m doing.



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